RIP Story: October 17th, 2024

The flow proved easy to find this day. Sindra relaxed into the energy she felt collect in her mind. When she was young, she would have rushed the early part of the process. She’d been doing this long enough to know the flow took its time, even if she was able to find it quickly.

Sindra had no plan today, she wanted to let the flow take its own path. The energy in her mind was like a dream that lacked influence of the previous day’s events. It felt like a cold spot, looking for warmth inside Sindra’s being. The hardest lesson to learn as a child was to understand the flow was a two-way relationship. Sindra introduced herself the same way the flow introduced itself. It never felt different to Sindra, but maybe that was something else she needed to learn about the flow.

What started as a spot grew into a ball, then grew tentacle wisps. The ball inside her relaxed mind began to spin. The first time she achieved this sensation she broke out of the flow and threw up. “And that is why class is outside,” her teacher said. Now, she knew how to disconnect from the motion of the wispy ball and just observe with her mind. The flow was looking for something. None of her teachers would tell her the answer to “what is it looking for?” They said the flow was different for everyone, and “the way we feel and interact in the flow is our own. We [the teachers] were there to provide a calm and protected space for young learners.”

Sindra was never satisfied with this answer. She wanted to be good at this, and she wanted frames of reference. It took her a long time to let go and get comfortable with being free to explore the flow on her own, in her own way. Her classmates showed more excited interactions with the flow. Their descriptions of their experiences was nothing like Sindra’s.

That all changed the day she decided to sit with the cold spot in her mind for as long as she could, without expectation. It was a long introduction. Very little happened. The spot didn’t grow. There were no arms, but the spot was there. Several more interactions like this turned into comfortable coexistence.

Today, with no plan, she wanted to dance with the flow. She wanted to see the art of movement between her and the flow. The ribbons from the ball in her mind found their way down her arm. One ribbon felt like it went through the core of her bones. Another set of ribbons wrapped around the skin of her arms. She held her hands out, fingers wide and let the flow do what it wanted. The warmth came from the shape forming in front of her. her hands and arms felt the warmth. The wispy ball in her mind started to playfully dance. Sindra sang her favorite song to herself while her body in the real world started to sway to the beat of the song in her mind.

Sindra let the flow dance until the warmth retreated. She smiled in her mind and said thank you. Then waited for the ball to turn to a spot. She started the process of bringing herself out of the dark.

Day had turned to evening outside. The night insects had yet to start their songs. Sindra felt rested, unsure if she’d be able to sleep that night. But it didn’t matter. She’d found a place all on her own. She was happy and proud of herself. Tomorrow was another day to try again. For now, “tea, I think. And some music,” Sindra said to herself.

Thanks for reading, see you tomorrow.

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